Going up (or down)

lift

Pay careful attention, because I am about to teach you a valuable life skill: how to use an elevator (a.k.a. lift) on a cruise ship.

You may think you already know this, but I’m pretty sure that you don’t.

The first and most important rule when wanting to catch a lift on a cruise ship is to press both the up and down buttons, regardless of which way you want to go.

The second most important rule is to get into the first lift that opens its doors, again regardless of which way it is travelling.

Why? Because if you wait for the lift going in the direction you want to go, it will almost certainly be full of people.

Those people already know the rules. Being in the lift is the most important thing; you will get to your destination much quicker than if you wait for a lift that is bith going in your direction and has enough space for you to get in.

A supplementary rule: if you are not sure which floor you want, press all the buttons and stick you head out every time the lift stops. The other passengers will understand, although the people waiting to get into the crowded lift may not.

Here endeth the lesson.

2 thoughts on “Going up (or down)”

  1. How to get OUT of a an elevator (AKA lift) in China.

    Make sure you are positioned very close to the doors, preferably right at the middle point.

    When the lift stops at your floor and the doors open, to repel the throng of people who will try to barge in before you have a chance to make even a step out of the vestibule, you throw your hands up and scream like a banshee: “Yaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhh!”

    They will scatter like flies muttering words that mean “crazy lo wei” and the crowd sea will part as if you are Moses.

    Best, however, not to do it at the ground floor of a bank (I got away with it once, but I was lucky).

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