Here's a line from award-winning Edinburgh Fringe festival comic Phil Nicol: "They say being a hostage is difficult. But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back." The Independent newspaper named that as one of its top 50 oneliners from the festival. Others include:
No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off I Don't Like Mondays for 30 years. - Russell Brand
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in customs. - Patrick Monahan
Americans only re-elected George Bush to prove they had a sense of irony. - Scott Capurro
Two aerials on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't great but the reception was fantastic. - Jimeoin
The rest are here.