debritz.net - Funny

Premier attraction

debritz — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 22:08:42 -0700

I've met Queensland Premier Peter Beattie a couple of times. I'm not sure if he knows who I am or I just look like somebody he knows or thinks he should know. Whatever the truth of it, he certainly helped me impress a visiting PR person from Sydney today. We organised to meet for coffee at the new State Library and, just after we hooked up, the Premier and his deputy Anna Bligh came wandering past. Mr Beattie looked in my direction and gave me a big wave of acknowledgement. I resisted the temptation to big-note myself to the interstate guest, but I would have been impressed if I was her.

Learning all the time

debritz — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 22:39:20 -0700

I learned two things today:
1) A "random" is a person you don't know who you end up doing something with - like sitting next to them on a roller coaster.
2) The best way to queue jump is to wander up looking totally clueless and just join the line wherever you like.

Talking politics

debritz — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 23:25:00 -0700

Opposition leader Kim Beazley's gaffe in calling Rove McManus "Karl Rove" reminded me of former Queensland Premier Joh Bjelke-Petersen, whose clumsy way with words was legendary. When asked what he thought of (the satirical television program) The Gillies Report, Bjelke-Petersen purportedly replied "Well, it's a very long report and I haven't read all of it yet."

Parent trap

debritz — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 19:49:39 -0700

Sign at coffee shop in Nundah: "Unattended children will be given 2 shots of espresso and a puppy".

Puss's power

debritz — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 13:27:32 -0700

I'm sure my cat thinks she's psychokinetic. All she has to do is look at a door and someone will open it.

Potent label

debritz — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 13:54:13 -0700

I know what they mean, but you'd think the authorities at Sydney Airport could come up with a better security-clearance term for people who enter the terminal on a casual basis. I can't imagine that I'd want to wear a badge declaring: "Sterile visitor".

Flying high

debritz — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 21:59:58 -0700

1) My aircraft today, we were informed by the attendant, had two captains rather than the usual captain and co-pilot. This made me rather uneasy, because I can't see how two people can be in charge of the same plane. I couldn't help picturing them wrestling over the joystick and crashing the plane. That didn't happen - but I did notice that neither of them took the time to make the usual weather and time call topped off with an insincere wish that we enjoy our flight and patronise the airline again. They probably felt too important. Or were too busy wrestling.
2) When I was on the plane, the guy on the other side of the aisle discovered, apprently for the first time, that the arm rest between him and the vacant seat next to him moved up and down. He then enjoyed a "Homer Simpson moment"* ensuring that it wasn't a fluke the first time.

Plane crazy?

debritz — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 21:59:04 -0700

Why do some people book and pay for flights, come to an airport, check in and then don't board their plane? It happened the last time I flew, when my plane was delayed while airline staff removed the bags of a no-show passenger from the plane. Today I watched as an airline employee at the neighbouring gate paged a passenger in vain, and presumed the same thing had happened. Do some people suddenly get a fear-of-flying attack, change their plans at the last minute or get stuck in the toilet (or the bar)? Maybe there are incredibly rich people out there who have no intention of flying but just do it to mess with the rest of us.

Airport observations

debritz — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 21:45:24 -0700

I caught a plane to Sydney today, and ...
1) I was asked to take my shoes off after I set off the security alarm - but there was nowhere for me to sit or even to lean to do so. I managed without falling over, but I'm sure old or infirm people couldn't.
2) I noticed there are two coffee outlets of the same brand within close walking distance in the Virgin Blue terminal. One was staffed with three or four people who appeared to be doing very little to address the long queue of caffeine-hungry patrons. But that's OK because they looked damn fine and extremely pleased with themselves, as all coffee-shop staff ought to. The other had two pleasant staff members who actually served customers and made coffee quickly.

Very sober indeed

debritz — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 21:26:07 -0700

This happened some time ago, but I just remembered it. My wife and I witnessed an accident in the Brisbane CBD and went to help a woman whose car was forced off the road by hoons. When the police arrived they asked her: "When was your last drink?" The woman stopped to think for a while, and then replied: "Eleven years ago."